Weighed in this morning at 231.4 - down an additional pound. I also realize that after my cycle I naturally sluff water weight. But I did pretty well at sticking to the plan yesterday. I did have two glasses of wine after the preschool parent meeting, which is included in the 4 Hour Body allowances, and I had a piece of cheese at the parent meeting, which is not included in the plan, or in my diet for that matter, because I'm allergic to casein. But dude I LOVE ALL THE STUFF I'M ALLERGIC TO! I LOVE EGGS. I LOVE CHEESE. I don't love kidney beans but I'm also allergic to them. Who else in the world is allergic to kidney beans?!? Me, I guess.
MAN I had some rough moments yesterday. At one point I made some impromptu hummus with a can of black eyed peas, some Goddess dressing and garlic cloves. That, as it turns out, is tasty. Nothing made my headache go away for long, except after the evening meal - roast chicken and mixed veggies, which was so tasty. I like any diet that allows for chicken skin. I don't think anyone else in my house got any chicken skin at all! Juzzz me. yum yum. It's the little things, really.
Well, I should chart my weight. According to my Mind and Body coach I'm not supposed to be weighing myself this much, but the first week, especially when the scale is going down, is SO FUN! It is an everyday reminder that even if it's a fluke, something might, just might, be going right. I like that. It's something to do each morning to say, "You know how you wanted to gauge your eyes out yesterday afternoon. Well don't, because this might be working, you might be hot later and you'll need your eyes for that." And other things, but isn't hotness important. It is to me!
I have spent time thinking about all the new clothes I might buy. Beyond that I also recognize that I must come correct internally also. This is not my first trip to the rodeo, as I alluded to before. I don't think that what is happening to my body right now is especially gentle, or can just be duplicated over and over and over. So when I do this, in order to maintain what I've done, I have to gain some real recovery on the inside, so that I want and need this internal standard. And so that my future is not just thinner, but happier. Actually happier from the inside out.
The truth is the last time I got thin I had no idea how co-dependent I was, how crazy I was, how much I needed people, places, and things to make me feel OK. I was just thin, and that was good. I modeled, I danced burlesque, I drank like a fish! I wasn't a drunkorexic but there were definitely days where I left food out so I could put drinks in and still lose weight. Not cool. Not healthy. I lost my gallbladder from all the stones I put in there by losing weight so fast. And that's the truth. Due to rapid weight loss I had my only surgery ever. I don't want that kind of life - where I have to destroy myself one way or the other in order to maintain anything like balance, which never really truly feels balanced at all!
But, I'm going through the steps of recovery. I had a very powerful conversation with my brother this weekend and got out some really old stuff that I was carrying around. So important to do stuff like that. I really hope that ultimately it is healing and that is helps to change my perspective to the point where I am more centered more of the time.
Wow - geesh I wrote a lot. Love love love to you all!
OMG: I'm allergic to kidney beans too. Of course, I'm allergic to almost everything (garlic, onions, gluten, corn gluten, dairy, eggs, citrus, cane sugar, kidney beans, lettuce {wtf!}. My body was in a very different place in terms of stress on my body (single parent, working 90 hours a week, living on sugar, battling something called, horrifyingly, "leaky guy syndrome") when I was tested, so I may get tested again to see how many of those allergies are still legit.
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